To parents of small children (babies):

Please do not bring your babies into my store. Our policy is that babies in arms or carriers (no strollers) are allowed on the second floor only. That is the only floor where the products are pretty much PG-13. Most of the employees are pretty touchy about the subject, and the manager is a flake when it comes to stuff like this. Please make our jobs easier and just get a babysitter for the kid while you go shopping. Please don't try to bring your toddler (or older) child into our store period.

Valentine's Day is one of our busiest times of the year. Please keep that in mind if you end up having to have your baby with you while you shop. The lines are long, we only have a few registers, and every employee is busy with something. We do not have time to personally hold your hand (or your baby) while you shop for something (especially if you're not totally sure what you're looking for). If your baby starts fussing, and you're not done shopping, either get what you have now (if there's no line) and come back later, or just put your items down and leave the store. We don't mind at all, and most of our other customers will thank you. I know it's a pain to have to stop shopping because of the baby, and you might not have a chance to shop later, but our other customers might have a problem with a crying baby while they're shopping for toys, porn, or lingerie. Usually customers have a problem with crying babies no matter where they're shopping, but my store especially (given the nature of the products we sell).

As a side note (to store managers):

Please be consistent in your policy making. If you decide that babies are to stay on the second floor (with their parents), don't allow a baby onto one of the other floors. Don't put us in a bad situation with an irate parent if you're the one who made up the policy we're quoting.

Back to the parents:

Please don't yell at us (or worse, play the race card) for quoting a policy our manager made when it inconveniences you. We are not telling you children are not allowed because you (or the child) are black. We are telling you your child isn't allowed because they're not 18 years old. We don't care if they're 18 months old, they have to be 18 YEARS old. We're also not telling you about the policy because we want you to come back and spend even more money, we're telling you for the comfort of our OTHER customers. You know, those people walking around with products in their hands or standing at the counter handing money to the employee in exchange for the products they selected. Most of them don't feel comfortable shopping for intimate items while a baby is just a few feet from them, and no one feels comfortable shopping for intimate items while a baby is crying and carrying on!

We would love it if you came back without the baby/child, and we would be more than happy to help you select the items you need to make your Valentine's Day more romantic.

Sincerely,

M (a tired retail employee)

Ahh High School...

I find high school kids to be more amusing everyday. I recently worked a fashion show (run by students who have never stepped foot into the theatre except to listen to a speaker, let alone run a show of any sort) for the fashion industries class. They had all these GREAT ideas in their heads...

Unfortunately none of them either worked in our SMALL theatre, nor did they stay the same for any given amount of time. It was kind of like herding cats with A.D.H.D.

The night of the show, I wasn't feeling well, so I stayed home. My replacement was told what to do (she had to push a button to skip to the next track on the cd player. Not a hard job.), and she was able to enjoy much of the show. The girl next to her, who had never even seen a light board (so we attempted to make it real easy on her and just told her to push ONE button) let alone run one turned to my co-worker and pointed out that she noticed that none of us wears makeup. We don't because no one is supposed to see us if we do our jobs right, and most of the time we would end up sweating it off before too long anyway.

The fashion student then asked 'does the makeup interfere with the electrical equipment?'

Now if I had been there, I totally would have said yes. My co-worker was just too shocked to say much of anything at first. Then she managed a squeeky 'no' before switching the track.

This is the same fashion student that I told about four times which button she had to push on the light board to make the lights come up. Then I had to explain to her that the button she had to push only ran her board because the boards weren't interchangable. I would have had fun with her, but I needed to feel better first.


For more recent news, Himself finally got a new car. His old one was totalled in a car accident in early October (he had the right of way, but the other driver didn't seem to think so), and after one car-ing it for about three weeks, he finally has a two year old Monte Carlo. It's a nice car and he should have it paid off in about five years, but probably sooner. The other driver seems to be in the wind now. He stopped and talked to the police, but no one has heard from him since. The insurance company that he said he had a policy from has no record of his name or policy number, and the guy's uncle had never heard of the registered owener of the car. Fanfreakingtastic.

A month later, I got into a car accident (I wasn't driving), and my friend's car was totalled. The good thing about that accident is that it got the guy we hit arrested. He apparently had a warrent out for his arrest and he was hauled away. His wife was not so happy. My friend is pretty sure the wife is going to try to sue, but we're not sure for what. Yes we hit them, but we weren't there when he did whatever it was that got the warrent. People are funny sometimes. Okay maybe not.

Pretty much until the end of the month is going to be hectic. Fun, but very hectic. Lots of work, which is fabulous, and there is a small chance I'll be promoted. Very small chance, but it's there. We're really short on leads right now, so the PTB finally decided that it was time to promote and hire. Yea us! Doesn't mean lots more hours, but it does mean slightly more consistant hours. Not only that, but I might get my church gig back. I kind of like those guys. They're funny.

That's all for now

M

A Letter

To all the customers who think they're better than everyone else:

News flash: You're not. If you think you can do my job better than me, then by all means, have at it. I'll see you in a couple of hours and then you can tell me how hard it is to get small children to sit still.

If you have a young child who is very active, then stop yelling at both the child and the photographer and actually start doing something. If all you're going to do is stand in the back of the room or sit on your fat arse while I'm doing all the work, then you deserve to have bad pictures. If you have a special request, like soft focus, be warned that the sitting takes longer because we cannot focus the camera with the soft focus filter on the camera. Not only that, but if you want soft focus and the child is running back and forth, please understand that the sitting will take much longer.

Cussing out your photographer will not make the sitting any shorter. Actually it will, I will simply ask you to leave and never return. I will expose your film right in front of you and you will no longer the welcome at any studio in the company. I have that kind of power, and I'm not afraid to use it. Asking me if there is another photographer to take your pictures five minutes into the sitting because I'm 'not effing good enough' is not going to make me want to help you or be nice to you.

When we tell you that we'll call you when your pictures are ready, that doesn't mean come in some time the next day and we'll have everything ready for you. That means that we'll call you when your pictures are ready. It's also very important to have your phone number so we can actually call you. Telling us that letting you know when your pictures will be ready isn't a good enough reason to have your phone number isn't going to help matters at all. It's not our fault that our machine broke down, so stop yelling at us like it was. Don't come into our store with an attitude problem and tell the manager that she wasn't there (she was. She was there all night) so she has no right to say anything. You are the one who has no right. Get out of my store and if you come back we'll call security to throw your ignorant arse out the door. You were the only one having a huge problem with the machine being broken. If you took your head out of your arse long enough to look around the room, you would see that you're the only one getting worked up.

Also, please remember what you tell me. If you tell me that you're planning on coming back another day to view your pictures, don't be surprised that they're not done in an hour. Don't tell people that you never mentioned coming back tomorrow. This isn't as bad as cussing me out, but it's still a pain in the arse to try to explain to my managers that you told me one thing and you're telling them another. It's far easier to forgive a misunderstanding than a major attitude problem.

M

P.S. To all the customers who understand everything: THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! We love it when a large group is really easy going and calm about the whole situation. Actually we love it when any group is calm and understanding.

M